Squid (Zoologist Perfumes)

Céline Barel

Maybe I'm getting old and cranky, but niche perfumers are starting to annoy me. Céline Barel is, by all metrics, a beautiful woman. She's pictured above, a slender brunette with classically beautiful features, the kind of gal that could give men heart palpitations while serving them diner coffee. She can't help being classy, wears haute couture everywhere all the time, and has probably never set foot in a fast food restaurant. What then is she doing belching out something as diabolically morose as Squid by Zoologist?

This fragrance is absolutely disgusting. It opens with a mix of "marine" salty notes laced with pink pepper and something indescribably sweet. Within five minutes it morphs into more salty notes and a distinct odor of burning hair. The burning hair bit proceeds to be the central player, lasting in all its awful glory for no less than four hours, by which point I'm ready to set my own head on fire. Eventually the wretchedness loosens up and separates into its constituents of incense and sweet amber, still with that evil salinity fouling everything, like low tide at a hair salon in Blackpool. 

By the nine hour mark, I've had it. There was little evolution to this terrible fragrance, and all it did was make me wonder why it was made. I guess what bugs me is that it's obvious Céline Barel wouldn't wear it, not even for five minutes. She wouldn't want her significant other to wear it, either. So why the fuck would she think anyone else would want to wear it? I understand how briefs work. I get that Mr. Wong had his reasons for why Squid should smell bad. All she had to do was smile at him a few times and tell him she liked his tie, and this could have all gone another way.